i keep thinking about the number of parrots and mimicking birds that say love you! as part of their vocabulary. how often they must hear that in order to learn it as a song.

when i was a child and learning how to train dogs, we were warned against using puppy too much around the dog - it might get confused and think the word puppy was a name. we were supposed to use mostly command words - keep it simple and clear.

but when my dog is in the middle of a nightmare, i say i love you to him, and he calms down. i say i love you! and he starts wiggling, delighted. when i first rescued him, i love you got no reaction. he understood i love you! before he understood what stairs are. the first thing i ever trained him to understand, maybe, before even his name: i love you.

my sister used to say i love you! and her cat would come running. he knew his name, too, but her voice saying i love you was enough.

there’s some debate about how many words our pets understand. maybe they understand the tone more than the actual word. science almost always seems to be coming out with new exciting information about just how much animals can learn and understand language. it often more seems that the only true barrier is that we don’t understand them when they answer back.

goblin doesn’t know it yet, but for the last 3 days, i’ve been telling him about the new bed i bought him. i had to save for a while in order to afford it - but it’s specifically for big dogs like him, and (supposedly) won’t flatten out after 6 months. it was twice as expensive as my own mattress, and i’m way-too-excited to give it to him. i keep reading him the stats - it says it’ll help any joint pain! and one more sleep until it comes! he wiggles in joy at the tone in my voice, this thing i know i’m not really communicating, but something he seems to understand-anyway.

as of 7:30 AM today, the new bed is on the way. goblin is asleep on my couch, happily snoring. the truck is two towns over. i keep refreshing the delivery updates.

something about telling these creatures in our lives i love you, even knowing they can’t understand exactly. even knowing each word in that phrase holds a concept maybe-outside of real communication’s possibilities - to understand “i/you”, to understand love, to understand holding love and passing it through you into something else. knowing, really, we’ve probably trained them with this phrase comes petting. and then saying it, over and over and over through the little lonely hours of our day.

hoping, with repetition and action and practice: we’ll find a way to tell them anyway.